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Editor of Logos, an online journal of society and culture.
Lives in New Jersey.
Won't eat frozen vegetables.
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Tuesday, June 24
Ok, I'm back. Well, I've been back for about a week or so. I have been thinking about how nice Berlin was, how I'd like to leave New York and go somewhere where people have respect for the public sphere; where the trains run on time and where one has more time for oneself, one's projects and to see other people. Things are too hectic here and, well, I have become bored.
Hegel says that once philosophy paints its gray on gray, then a form of life has grown old. I think that's the case with me. I really hate the cycles that I am in. I need to change, but am not yet ready to do it.
Really, it is of little consequence in the end. The only task of the individual is to see himself as a part of the whole, to contribute to the public good as much as possible. This is not a sense of Christian goodness, it is rather pure Aristotelian philosophy: the good citizen is one who acts with the public interest in political and instellectual affairs. There is a word in Greek, phronesis, that captures this mode of acting and being. Whatever the case may be, it is getting more and more difficult in this culture which is defined by self-interest and selfishness. I suppose that this was meant to be; the only true outcome of a commercialized market-based society. Really crude, and I must say, stifling toward the development of each, and therefore of all.
But enough of this intellectual rant! I must say that I have been quite content, quite, well, happy--and I cannot say why. Not that I have really been inquiring as to why, but school is over, and things are going well with my publications and writing. So, now I'll need to lose a limb to make up for this goodness--it does not last for long.
As for women, I have been ambivalent--I think. I have actually finally decided that I am completely ambivalent on this issue and that I am unable to be honest with myself anymore. The realization of this has also led to a release of psychological energy and reduction of tension. Good, but now I am in a new plane of thought and feeling. I think that I am more and more secure in the fact that I am repulsive to women and this has allowed me to interact with them freely, without any sense of awkwardness. You see, I am and have always been very unattractive. That may be putting it too politely: I am actually very ugly, repulsive in fact. From my early adolescence this bothered me a lot since I was always conscious of it. Now, I see that instead of this being a negative aspect--it would be if one were trying to find a mate--I have actually turned it into something positive. I never need to worry about dealing with women problems--or, perhaps I should say, relationship problems, to be fair--since this is not on the horizon of possibility. This has made me quite content, and now I see that I am more free mentally and emotionally than before.
Very well, so there we have it: another entry after my globe-trotting journey. I suppose that, deep inside, these reflections keep me company. The barren world of cyberspace is cold and vast, but I have my own corner of warmth.
Michael was existentially meandering at 7:59 AM \\
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